Buffy the sitting at home girl
by ReSpawn
Summary: read the title. Things are quiet in Sunnydale
1. It begins, sort of

These characters do not belong to me allright! No, I'm just a guy with no imagination, so I have to steal other people's ideas. Just read it and leave a review at my doorstep okay?  
  
The story takes place in a made up timeframe. References to other periods in effect are not chronological and do not rely on the chronology in the real series.  
  
I am new at writing this kind of story, so it's not perfect, but if you give me some pointers, I'm sure I can improve it.  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
A quiet night in Sunnydale. Buffy and the gang are chilling at the Summers residence, thinking of something fun to do.  
  
Buffy: You sure there aren't any vampires to slay Giles?  
  
Giles: Quite sure, yes, with the master gone and all, things seem  
quiet. The books also have nothing to say about this  
day..ehhm..regarding any demonic activity that is.  
  
Xander: Ow, yes, let's trust the books! *claps his hands*  
  
Buffy: Okay! Something to drink anyone?  
  
Xander: Thought you'd never ask. *with a grin on his face* I'll have a  
bloody Mary.  
  
Giles: Xander, you're attempt to be funny has failed quite miserably.  
As you can see, nobody's laughing, and I'd appreciate it when you  
never try to be clever again.  
  
Xander: Remind me again. Why did we invite you?.Ow! *slaps his  
forehead* I remember, we didn't. So, why are you here?  
  
Willow: I thought it was funny Xanny. With the bloody.and..Buffy kills  
vampires..Vampires drink blood. *notices she's stared at* I'll shut up  
now.  
  
Giles: I'm Buffy's watcher, that means I should watch her all the  
time.  
  
Buffy: Hey!  
  
Xander: I agree. That sounded grose Gilesy.  
  
Buffy: No, I meant. Hey! I asked something, and apart from Xander no  
one even answered.. And Giles doesn't watch me all the time.  
  
Xander: Thank God.  
  
Buffy: He can't stand the sight of me clipping my nails, so he closes  
his eyes. Right Giles? *blinks her eye*  
  
Giles: What?..Oh..Yes..No, can't stand it.  
  
Xander: IEW! And on top of that, YUK!  
  
Willow: *giggles softly* A bloody mary.  
  
Buffy: Yes Willow. Xander did a funny thing. Do YOU want a bloody  
Mary?  
  
Willow: Oh, no..it's *points at Xander*.I'll have a coke please.  
  
Giles: Can you make me a cup of tea, Buffy?  
  
Buffy: Oh, let's see. Can I boil some water and put a teabag in it?  
Gee, I can try, but I don't know what will happen.  
  
Giles: No need to be sarcastic, I just asked.  
  
Buffy: Oh, in that case.Sure!  
  
Xander: I'll have a coke too.  
  
Buffy: Okay. Two cokes and one tea coming up! It might take a while  
though, cause the water must boil and all, so..Be back soon!  
  
And Buffy took off, leaving Giles, Willow and Xander alone in the  
room.  
  
Xander: Isn't this nice? Just us friends together.  
  
Giles: Well I didn't know you concidered me your friend, but.  
  
Xander: Whoa Gilesy! Not you! You're the watcher, you're no friend,  
that would interfere with your work. Talking about your work,  
shouldn't you be watching Buffy?  
  
Giles: Well..yes, one would expect me to go after her, but I decided  
to let her enjoy a little of her spare time.  
  
Xander: A little? A girl her age should have lots of spare time. She  
should have so much spare time she wouldn't know what to do with it.  
  
Giles: She IS the chosen one you know. She's not even allowed to have  
any friends, let alone have fun. I'm breaking the rules letting her be  
friends with you two.  
  
Willow: Oh.Should we leave..I mean..We are letting Buffy break the  
rules.And what if she gets in trouble because of us.We can't have  
that..No, that would be bad.*stands up*  
  
Xander: Sit down girl!  
  
Willow: *Obeys Xander* Okay.But.  
  
Xander: No buts. There are no buts allowed in this house. Buts are  
bad. Bad buts!  
  
Willow: *giggles*  
  
Xander looks at her.  
  
Willow: What? Oh.., never mind.  
  
Xander: Do you really think Buffy would stop being friends with us  
only because you told her so? You must be very drunk or very stupid to  
think that.  
  
Giles: Remember two years ago, when Buffy went away on vacation?  
  
Xander: Yes, but I don't see how that is important to the discussion.  
  
Giles: I told her to go. I thought it would do her good.  
  
Xander: Yeah right. You told her to go away for half a year, and leave  
all her friends behind?  
  
Giles: Yes I did. And, the important thing is, she did.  
  
Xander: Sorry bookworm, I'm not buying it.  
  
Giles: *writing something down* What did Buffy say regarding her  
vacation? *finished writing*  
  
Xander: She said "Hey guys, missed me? Any hellmouthy activity when I  
was gone?'  
  
Giles: *showing what he wrote down* I rest my case.  
  
Xander: That doesn't prove anything. Maybe you were just listening to  
our conversation from the bushes next to us.  
  
Willow: Eh, Xander. We were at your place when she said that remember?  
We were sitting in your room, and I was playing with your teddy. It  
was a nice teddy.So pink and fluffy..and..  
  
Xander: Hey! Okay Will, you've made your point..*looking at Giles  
again* Well, that only proves you told her what to say.  
  
Giles: Yes.I guess it does. But I had you there for a minute didn't I?  
  
Xander: Did not!  
  
Willow: ..and one eye had fallen out, but I fixed it. I'm good at  
sewing, and I sewed that eye right on again. I learned that from my  
mother and..  
  
Giles: Willow? What medication are you on?  
  
Willow: Oh,..None..I'm as healthy as a fish..Although fish aren't  
always healthy, because this one time, I found a fish on the beach and  
it was dead. Oh, but you mean why I am babbling so much?  
  
Giles: Yes.  
  
Willow: Oh that's because ehh.I don't know why that is..It's kinda  
scary actually, not knowing why I am doing that, but I think it's gone  
now.  
  
Xander: I think I hear Buffy coming. Let's pretend we're having a good  
time, okay? Can we do that mister partypooper?  
  
Giles: If you are referring to me..Yes we can do that.  
  
Buffy walks into the room with two cokes, one tea, a stake, A glass of water and cookies. Her hair was all messed up and her shirt was tucked into her pants on the front side, but it hung over her pants on her backside. She had this very happy look on her face. Two seconds later Angel walked in.  
  
Xander: *pointing at Angel* Ehm, Angel.Your fly's open.  
  
Angel: *closes it* Hey thanks man. 


	2. It continues, kinda

Disclaimer: You read the first chapter right? Well, go back and look it up!  
  
Once you've read this chapter, please leave a review.  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
Xander: May I guess what you were doing back there? Cause I can  
think of a few things.  
  
Giles: For once, I have to agree with Xander. Would you care to tell  
us why you look like that, or should we guess?  
  
Angel: *looking desperately at Buffy* Honey?  
  
Willow: I knew it! That honey has been in the fridge far too long,  
it was only a matter of time before it would come to life...Or.Oh  
wait..  
  
Buffy: Well, guess all you want. Only Angel and me know what  
happened and we don't wanna share.  
  
Angel: Is that such a good idea? Because they will find out sooner  
or later.  
  
Buffy: And how is that? The only way for them to know is when our  
meeting was videotaped. And that didn't happen, did it?  
  
Angel: Ehhm...y..no. No ofcourse not!  
  
Buffy: What was that?  
  
Angel: What was what?  
  
Buffy: You hesitated. Angel.Did you videotape what we did in the  
kitchen?  
  
Angel: *nodding silently*  
  
Xander: Kinky! Can I borrow that tape sometime?  
  
Buffy: NO! Angel how could you do that?  
  
Angel: It's because I'm sick Buffy. I'm sick in my head and then I  
videotape things. Is that a crime?  
  
Xander: Only in some states,.But you weren't talking to me so I'll  
just go to the bathroom..  
  
Willow: Ooh! Can I come?..Wait..That didn't come out right..But  
because of the tension and all..Can I?  
  
Xander: Yes, you can come with me into the bathroom. You know,  
because of the tension in this room..  
  
Willow: Cool!  
  
Xander and Willow strode of to the bathroom.  
  
Giles: Well. That was awkward.Ow, Buffy, you didn't bring any  
teabags. I'll look for them in the kitchen..Yes..That seems to be  
the right thing to do..  
  
Giles left the room, to look for teabags in the kitchen.  
  
Buffy: How could you Angel? No, really! Don't give me that 'I am  
sick' crap.  
  
Angel: Well.Spike told me to.  
  
Buffy: Spike? I thought Spike wasn't your master anymore Angel. You  
said to me you were done doing jobs for him! Are you still working  
for that slime?  
  
Angel: Afraid so, but I love you Buffy. You're nothing like the  
other girl I recorded the other day and...Oh damn..  
  
Buffy: What! You did with another girl what you just did with me? Do  
you know how disgusting that sounds? Now I feel all dirty and I need  
to take a shower, but Xander and Willow are in the bathroom doing  
who-knows-what.  
  
Xander: *from the bathroom* We're..Ouch!..We're talking!  
  
Buffy: Anyway, what does Spike want with those tapes?  
  
Angel: Spike's a lonely vampire Buff. He needs female companionship,  
but he can't get any, because of his chip..So he tells me to make  
tapes..I don't know what he does with them.  
  
Buffy: Well I've got a pretty good idea, and it's sick!  
  
Angel: That's what I said, but you didn't believe me!  
  
Buffy: You're missing the point here sweety, it's sick in a  
disgusting way, not in a mental way.  
  
Angel: Did you just call me sweety?  
  
Buffy: No! I'm still mad at you.  
  
Angel: Oh, then I must have heard it wrong.  
  
Buffy: Probably you did.  
  
Angel: Will you excuse me, 'cause Spike's expecting me to bring the  
tapes in half an hour, and I can't be late.  
  
Buffy: Did you even hear a thing I said just now? My whole point was  
that you shouldn't give that tape to Spike!  
  
Angel: Then why didn't you tell me?  
  
Buffy: I tried, but you're too dumb to understand!  
  
Angel: Am not!  
  
Buffy: Kiss me!  
  
Angel: *muffled by Buffy's mouth* Kay!  
  
Giles: *walking into the room* I found the teabags!  
  
Buffy: That's *kiss* nice *kiss* Giles *very long kiss*  
  
Giles: I see you've put yourself down on my spot on the couch. Could  
you two move over a little so I can sit down? What are you doing  
anyway?  
  
Buffy: *stops kissing and gets up* This my dear Giles is called  
kissing. Something you won't be able to do with your books. You can  
however look it up in them.  
  
Giles: Right. Well, enough said. You've made your point.  
  
Angel: What should I do with the tape then?  
  
Buffy: Whatever you do, don't give it to Spike.  
  
Angel: We could watch it now if you'd like.  
  
Buffy: No! *looks at Giles* not now, we have guests.  
  
Giles: Oh, don't mind me. I don't care what you do. My job is purely  
set on training and observing. I don't care for your romantic  
issues, I would rather enjoy watching your video though.  
  
Angel: You can borrow it sometime.  
  
Giles: That would be nice...eh..For watcher-purposes only ofcourse.  
  
Angel: Alright the.  
  
Buffy: HEY! No borrowing the video! Borrowing is out of the  
question.The video will disappear into my own, private collection.  
  
Angel: And what will you do with it? Huh?  
  
Buffy: Well, I will.I will put it in my closet, and then never watch  
it.  
  
Angel: So why can't I keep it. I will at least watch it. I didn't  
make the video to be kept in a closet for all eternity.  
  
Buffy: You should have thought of that before you made it!  
  
Angel: I did! But..not quite good enough I guess.  
  
Buffy: Too bad for you.  
  
Angel: Yes, but..Aha! I will probably live much longer than you  
will, so I can take the video from your closet once you're dead! So  
there! *begins a little dance* I outsmarted Buffy..I outsmarted  
Buffy..I outsmart..Uh-oh..  
  
Buffy: *raising the stake she had brought in earlier* One more word  
and I will outLIVE you pal.  
  
Angel: Hmpf.  
  
Giles: Calm now Buffy. Your arm's too high and your feet are too  
close to eachother. If you would have listened to what I said  
yesterday, you would be much better today.  
  
Buffy: I'm the one with the weapon here! Don't patronize me or you  
will be outlived!  
  
Giles: I can hardly believe you would attack me, even if you could.  
  
Buffy: But I can!  
  
Giles: No you can't. Try it if you'd like.  
  
Buffy: I don't want to.  
  
Giles: Then put down the stake and fetch me some sugar for my tea.  
  
Buffy: *curling her lip* okay.  
  
Buffy sauntered to the kitchen, leaving Giles and Angel alone.  
  
Giles: So..  
  
Angel: So..  
  
Giles: Angel, you're a vampire right?  
  
Angel: Yes, I am.  
  
Giles: So tell me, why has Buffy not yet killed you?  
  
Angel: She can't resist my boy-ish charm. I mean, look at me.  
*turning around once to show his body* She's got the hots for me.  
  
Giles: Ah, well, I'll have to do something about that later..What  
are Xander and Willow up to?  
  
Willow: *from the bathroom* Still talking!.Wow! That's big!.Wait.  
Did I just think out loud?..  
  
Buffy entered the room again with sugar for Giles' coffee.  
  
Giles: Hey, I'm an Englishman I drink tea!  
  
Buffy entered the room again with sugar for Giles' tea. She also brought cookies and some toast and eggs. The potatoes were still in the oven and there wasn't any bacon in the kitchen. The Big Ben boinged three times.  
  
Giles: You don't have to overdo it you know. Just sugar for my tea is enough.  
  
Buffy: Thank you Giles. I couldn't have carried that all by myself.  
  
Angel: Hmpf?  
  
Buffy: What?  
  
Angel: *pointing at his mouth* HMPF?  
  
Buffy: Oh, yes speak already. Geesh..  
  
Angel: Thank you. I meant 'I could have helped you'.  
  
Buffy: You've helped me enough tonight.  
  
Angel: *With a big smile on his face* Yes I have, haven't I? 


	3. Does this end, like, ever?

Disclaimer: You read the first chapter right? Well, go back and look it up!  
  
Once you've read this chapter, please leave a review.  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
Giles: How foolish of me. I remember now sugar gives me gas, so you  
brought it here for nothing.  
  
Buffy: What?! You made me walk all the way to the kitchen and back,  
for nothing?  
  
Giles: Yes, I guess so.ehmm..but it's good exercise. I was thinking  
about your health and such.  
  
Buffy: Yeah right Giles! You wanted to be alone with Angel didn't  
you! Well I can tell you, he's mine!  
  
Giles: I have no intention of stealing your boyfriend Buffy, I  
rather dislike the chap actually, and I know enough about..ehm..sex  
to know I'm not queer, and if I were, I wouldn't fall for a Vampire.  
  
Buffy: What, so now you're saying you don't approve him?  
  
Giles: No.I'm just saying I wouldn't feel attracted to him, even if  
I was..err..homosexual.  
  
Buffy: And you're not?  
  
Giles: No, last time I checked I wasn't.  
  
Buffy: Good! So you approve.  
  
Giles: Well, I didn't say that either.  
  
Buffy: You didn't?  
  
Giles: No, quite frankly, I think you shouldn't be so friendly with  
a creature you're supposed to slay.  
  
Buffy: Yeah? Well, I chose whom I date and not you!  
  
Giles: Ordinarily speaking I wouldn't, but now it involves a demonic  
creature, so I step in.  
  
Buffy: But I just can't resist his boy-ish charm and his body.  
  
Angel: *sticking out his tongue at Giles* Told you so.  
  
Giles: Yes..Well..Let's drop the subject, and attend to more  
pressing needs.  
  
Buffy: More pressing needs? Like?  
  
Giles: Like drinking tea. *sips his tea*  
  
Buffy: Whatever Giles.  
  
Giles: I believe it is Earl Grey actually.  
  
Angel: Wow Giles! I didn't know that one..Oh wait, I did..I was  
about ten when I heard it the first time.  
  
Buffy: Well it isn't that old then..Oh yeah I forgot..The vampire  
thing right?  
  
Right about that time someone knocked on the door. Buffy walked over to the door to answer the knock and opened it, and there stood..  
  
Buffy: Spike!?  
  
Spike: Hello love. Can I come in?  
  
Buffy: No!  
  
Spike: Well then. Can you say 'Spike, you're always welcome'?  
  
Buffy: Sure. Why not?  
  
Spike: Well then say it.  
  
Buffy: I don't want to.  
  
Spike: Well if you can't say it, you shouldn't have said you could.  
  
Buffy: But I can say it, I just don't feel like it.  
  
Spike: That maybe works on little kids, but I want to hear you say  
it, otherwise I won't believe you.  
  
Buffy: Oh yeah? Well. Spike, you're always welcome.  
  
Spike: Thank you. *attempts to walk in*  
  
Buffy: Hey! What do you think you're doing?  
  
Spike: You invited me in right?  
  
Buffy: No.I said 'Spike, you're alwa...Oh..  
  
Spike: So step aside then.  
  
Buffy: *Steps aside* Damnit!  
  
Spike: Angellus! Where's my tape? You said you would be done quickly  
with this one.  
  
Angel: I was, but there were some complications.  
  
Spike: Complications? What kind of complications could a vampire  
have?  
  
Angel: Buffy said I couldn't give you the tape.  
  
Spike: And you listen to her? Why's that?  
  
Angel: She had a stake.  
  
Spike: So?  
  
Angel: She's the slayer.  
  
Spike: So?  
  
Angel: She could kill me in an instant.  
  
Spike: So?  
  
Angel: Spike! This is getting old!  
  
Spike: No Giles is getting old. This is just starting.  
  
Giles: I'm sitting right here you know.  
  
Spike: So?  
  
Angel: Spike!!  
  
Spike: All right, all right, don't get all worked up now...So can I  
have the tape?  
  
Angel: No.  
  
Spike: My dear Angel, do you want me to hurt you? Give me the tape!  
  
Angel: Spikey, you can't hurt anyone remember. Your chip prevents  
it.  
  
Spike: Oh, right..You could have told me earlier you know. Would  
have saved us both a lot of conversation.  
  
Angel: It's more fun this way.  
  
Spike: Well I'm not laughing.  
  
Willow: *from bathroom* Whoopee!!  
  
Spike: What's she up to?  
  
Angel: She and Xander are in the bathroom doing something.  
  
Spike: Can't they do it quietly then?  
  
Buffy: *to Spike* Are you still here?  
  
Spike: Would you shut up! You've caused enough trouble as it is.  
  
Buffy: You are still in my house buddy!  
  
Spike: So be a good hostess and offer me a drink.  
  
Angel: Yes Buffy, offer him a drink.  
  
Buffy: I thought you were on my side!  
  
Angel: I was, but now Spike's here.  
  
Buffy: So?  
  
Angel: Don't you start!  
  
Buffy: All right then..I can..err.squeeze my hamster.  
  
Spike: Well, it's better than nothing.  
  
Buffy: Okay, it might take a while, because I have to say goodbye to  
it.  
  
Spike: You'd better hurry then! I'm not getting any younger you  
know.  
  
Buffy walked into the kitchen to squeeze her hamster and Giles sat between two vampires.  
  
Spike: All right. She's gone. You can give me the tape now.  
  
Angel: I cannot give you the tape Spike!  
  
Spike: Why the hell not?  
  
Angel: It's still in the camera. I forgot to take it out.  
  
Spike: Well that's not very smart now is it?  
  
Angel: Guess not.  
  
Giles: Yes..Well..I'm a bit uncomfortable here.  
  
Spike: You should be. After all, you're just a snack. 


End file.
